| # | Title[n 1] | Director[n 2] | Writer[n 2] | Original airdate | Production Code[n 3] |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | "Hey, Look Me Over" | Susan Oliver | Alan Alda | October 25, 1982 | 1G21[n 4] |
| Just as the nurses return to a camp in a total mess after a bug out, Margaret learns that Col. Beatrice Buchholz is on her way for an inspection. When Col. Buchholz arrives, she is especially tough on Margaret, turning Margaret into a tyrant. Hawkeye antagonizes Nurse Kellye with his constant ignoring of her and devoting his attention to the other nurses. | |||||
| 2 | "Trick or Treatment" | Charles S. Dubin | Dennis Koenig | November 1, 1982 | 9B01 |
| On Halloween night, the staff trades ghost stories during surgery, unaware that a soldier brought in and declared dead is actually clinging to life. The Battle of Heartbreak Ridge {September/OCtober 1951} is mentioned and has a traumatic effect on a soldier. Cheers star George Wendt guest-stars as an oafish Marine who gets a billiard ball stuck in his mouth, along with Andrew Dice Clay as another marine who injures himself after a jeep race. | |||||
| 3 | "Foreign Affairs" | Charles S. Dubin | David Pollack, Elias Davis | November 8, 1982 | 1G22[n 4] |
| April 27, 1953 A captured North Korean pilot is encouraged to defect with his MiG 15 as a propaganda effort, while Winchester has a romance with a French nurse his family would never approve of. | |||||
| 4 | "The Joker is Wild" | Burt Metcalfe | John Rappaport, Dennis Koenig | November 15, 1982 | 1G24[n 4] |
| After an argument, B.J. schemes to play a practical joke on everybody and bets with Hawkeye on his success. As more and more people (allegedly) fall victim to practical jokes, Hawkeye gets increasingly paranoid, not trusting anybody or anything, even refusing to take seriously a patient's attempted choking of a visiting doctor. | |||||
| 5 | "Who Knew?" | Harry Morgan | David Pollack, Elias Davis | November 22, 1982 | 1G18[n 4] |
| A nurse that kept a relatively low profile at camp accidentally steps on a landmine and dies. Everyone feels awkward, not knowing how to remember the quiet nurse. Hawkeye, however, decides to deliver her eulogy, as he went out with her the night she died. Klinger tries to convince Major Winchester to go along with one of his get-rich-quick schemes. | |||||
| 6 | "Bombshells" | Charles S. Dubin | Dan Wilcox, Thad Mumford | November 29, 1982 | 9B02 |
| June 1953. Winchester and Hawkeye plant a rumor that Marilyn Monroe will be visiting the camp, while B.J. has to deal with the guilt of being rewarded for not being able to save a patient. Baseball player Ted Williams goes home. | |||||
| 7 | "Settling Debts" | Mike Switzer | Dan Wilcox, Thad Mumford | December 6, 1982 | 1G23[n 4] |
| The camp organizes a party for Colonel Potter to celebrate the final payment on his mortgage. | |||||
| 8 | "The Moon is Not Blue" | Charles S. Dubin | Larry Balmagia | December 13, 1982 | 1G20[n 4] |
| July, 1953. The camp tries to get a copy of the controversial film The Moon Is Blue, even though it is not available anywhere in Korea. Meanwhile, a General Rothaker (Larry Ward), who is recovering in the hospital, prohibits the sale and consumption of alcohol in the camp in the middle of a heat wave. | |||||
| 9 | "Run For the Money" | Nell Cox | Mike Farrell, David Pollack, Elias Davis | December 20, 1982 | 9B03 |
| The camp has arranged to compete in a race with the 8063rd, but when the Olympic runner they are expecting turns out not to be quite who they are expecting, Father Mulcahy must run the race himself. When a stuttering soldier is the victim of bullying by his platoon mates and commanding officer, Charles has some personal reasons to protect him. | |||||
| 10 | "U.N., the Night and the Music" | Harry Morgan | David Pollack, Elias Davis | January 3, 1983 | 9B06 |
| A United Nations delegation visits the camp and leaves a lasting impression. | |||||
| 11 | "Strange Bedfellows" | Mike Farrell | Karen Hall | January 10, 1983 | 9B07 |
| Major Winchester's snoring keeps Hawkeye and B.J. (and eventually the entire camp) awake, while Potter discovers that his son-in-law is unfaithful. | |||||
| 12 | "Say No More" | Charles S. Dubin | John Rappaport | January 24, 1983 | 9B08 |
| A high-ranking strategist refuses to take responsibility for an exercise that has fatally wounded his own son, while Major Houlihan develops laryngitis before a visit to Tokyo. | |||||
| 13 | "Friends and Enemies" | Jamie Farr | Karen Hall | February 7, 1983 | 9B05 |
| B.J., laid up with an ingrown toenail, amuses himself by inciting a fight between Charles and Margaret. Col. Potter struggles to accept that he must recommend that his best friend is unfit for field command. | |||||
| 14 | "Give and Take" | Charles S. Dubin | Dennis Koenig | February 14, 1983 | 9B09 |
| A wounded American soldier (Craig Wasson) learns some hard lessons when he develops a friendship with the North Korean he wounded in battle. Also, Charles, Hawkeye, BJ, Klinger, & Father Mulcahy learn the challenges of Charity Collection Officer. | |||||
| 15 | "As Time Goes By" | Burt Metcalfe | Dan Wilcox, Thad Mumford | February 21, 1983 | 9B10[n 5] |
| The camp buries a time capsule with mementos of their time at the 4077th, while Klinger falls in love with a Korean girl (Rosalind Chao) falsely accused of being a North Korean sniper. | |||||
| 16 | "Goodbye, Farewell and Amen" | Alan Alda | Alan Alda Burt Metcalfe John Rappaport Thad Mumford, Dan Wilcox David Pollack, Elias Davis Karen Hall |
February 28, 1983 | 9B04 |
| July 27, 1953 The armistice is signed, ending the war, and the hospital staff must come to terms with the effects the war had on their lives. | |||||
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